I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
