I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
