We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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