this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
