im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
