She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
