Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
