You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I need to align my fucking chakras
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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