I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
pop tarts are not kleenex
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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