we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
