just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
