Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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