just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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