Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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