I'm going to jail i love you
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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