wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize