Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
