I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
