Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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