watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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