Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
