At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
MIDGETS
????
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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