those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
