Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
