If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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