i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
