You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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