I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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