So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Couch. On fire.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
