At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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