Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
