if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
