my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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