just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
