found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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