yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
