Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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