shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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