There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
