if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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