my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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