If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
