ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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