On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Define "chronic" masturbator.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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