is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got inside last night via doggy door
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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