Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
