Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
