This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
