I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
