i barfeds in our rink
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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