Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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