Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
