hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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