i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
