i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
