I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Help. Why am I so naked?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
