a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
