dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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