it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
