Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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