look no pants
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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