we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
