fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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