i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
