I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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