actually, I'm a sock model
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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