I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Randomize
