there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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