So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
