yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
