Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think I sprained my soul last night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
