Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
