Plan B is the new Plan A
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
