I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
