Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
