you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize