I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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