Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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