is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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