They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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