So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize