Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i love accidental penises.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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