when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
