Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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