thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
