We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
