She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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