dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
