I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize