Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
