I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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