That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
