oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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