my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
