I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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