i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
