i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
