I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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