Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
