then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
