You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
