u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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