How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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