And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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