she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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