With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
