did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize