so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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