I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
