I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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