All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
