let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
