census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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