so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
