Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
