Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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