I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize