after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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