pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
